Nicki Minaj: The Alien Invasion

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In Greek mythology, Pandora is said to have defied Zeus by opening the beautiful container he gave her, unleashing an eternity of evil upon the world.

The only act to have ever paralleled this was when some misguided soul presented Nicki Minaj with a record deal. Since then, she has gone on to great things. In 2011, she strove with David Guetta and Flo Rida to answer the eternal question of ‘Where Them Girls at?’. Subsequently, her album Pink Friday: Roman Unloaded, which featured became one of the best-selling albums of 2012, provided us with the edifying likes of ‘I Endorse These Strippers’ and ‘Stupid Hoe’ (You a stupid hoe, you da you da stupid hoe).

And then there is the issue of whether she is actually human. Sure, she has human eyes, ears, a nose and a mouth. But her ever-changing colouring can only be compared to a chameleon. Her voice is a strange amalgamation of a yodelling ‘Sound of Music’ style goat and a terrier, barking with particular vexation. And this is before you even consider the sheer size of her arse- the subject, assumedly, of her hit song ‘Starships’.

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